SINGLE AGAIN (sometime in 2001)

My heart hurts, I feel it beating against my chest, I feel the soft dull pain of having to let go again, how much of this can I take before I am completely lost, I stand on the beach alone as the cold breeze of my aloneness chills me to my bones, God stands beside me. He knows how I feel, He has been there, to love and not to be loved in return, to see and not be able to claim for your own, to feel and not be able to fulfill your desire.

I read Psalm 22 yesterday and for once I got a glimpse of that God sacrificed to be with us, He let go of His most precious gift to gain another. His only begotten son for His prodigal children, His sacrifice delivered humanity from total destruction. God almighty, where is my own Sarah? Why am I on this journey alone? I am not questioning your will, for I succumb to it entirely, I am just crying out in my pain and aloneness.

I have hope nevertheless, Hope is a good thing and I know that my latter years shall be greater than my former years and so I will wait on this beach, I will stand beside my father in Heaven who patiently waits for His prodigal children He will never leave us nor forsake us and I will never stop hoping.

Even now as my heart beats painfully in my chest, as I lay down numb from the act of letting go again, this one hope I have, that my wounds will cleanse me and as I stand on the beach of waiting, I stand straight, I share in the sacred activity with God Almighty Himself, I share something divine and privileged with my father in Heaven.

TRIBUTE

For all the women in my life, the ones that played with me at my childhood, circled me in my adolescence and walked with me in my manhood, I pay you tribute, you have all helped me form the image of Sarah, though I do not yet know her, she plays with me, circled me and walks with me even now like a nymph from a mythic tale.